Staying home?

So a couple of weeks ago our "full-time" caregiver gave notice. The trek to the new house was a bit much and causing strain on her other clients and home life. Well Husband and I advertised on Care.com and thought we had found some great candidates. One was a guy, big, athletic medic from the Army. Woo and hoo! Had him out to meet Middle and while Middle didn't completely ignore him, Middle didn't try and engage either. We were excited anyway for the prospect of having someone who could go to the YMCA with Middle and take him swimming, be out door and physical. Middle really enjoys walking and such. So we were going to have Mr. Medic come over and spend some supervised out time with Husband and Middle. But to no avail. Mr. Medic called and cancelled the outing, stating that it felt like the connection might be forced. Ok. I can respect that. 

One knew ASL and looked outdoorsy too. She wrote back, thanks but no thanks. 

Well two more phone interviews later, and I use the phrase loosely, still no candidate. 

I was lamenting at work and the girls I work with started giving me a bad time about becoming a stay at home mom. 

Went home that night and told Hubby how the girls were razzing me, which led to Husband and I starting to actually talk about my staying at home as an option. Like a plan C. After much discussion, angst, crunching of numbers and my all time favorite Pros and Cons list. It was decided that it made sense for me to take care of Middle. 

I have always worked outside the home, even when I WAS a caregiver myself (yes, I had my CNA at one point and was in an LPN program, but $10/hr is too much for help and not enough to support myself and two children on, so I went back into office work). 

I am scared to death. What if it doesn't work out? What if it does? Holy cow. Anyone who knows me knows, I DO NOT handle the "unknown" very well. I LIKE knowing what is going to happen and having back up plans with back up plans. Just in case. 

Not to mention. The girls I work with are AHmazing people, and it's freaking rocket science for crying outloud. I KNOW what I am doing, what is expected and how to get it done. 

This housewife taking care of the family full time thing? Totally nebulous in my world. And THAT scares me. 

I told Husband that I know how to run a business and projects, so we will have programs for projects, lists of tasks and projects for future accomplishments, weekly "team" meetings and the like. I guess we'll see. 

Well that's the crazy for today.